We Win.

Breaking FARML Exclusive!! That's FARML, Not FACML!!!

Contrary to internet rumors, CaseySwabCo, Inc. is pleased to announce an exclusive 3 month contract with the Fox network in an upcoming reality show, The Simpleton Life.

Nigel Swaby's Language-Implode-O-Meter

Follow the action in real-time (or whenever i'm really bored) here.

Official Casey & Nigel Foreclosure Avoidance Tips

Sitting back, resting from a long week of work, sipping a beer or two, let's try to get some constructive Foreclosure Avoidance Tips based on what we've learned the past few months from Casey & Nigel:

Foreclosure Avoider Tip #1: If your wife is going into her 7th year of a 2 year program, giving her a cute little clipboard and putting her in charge of a "fix n' flip" is probably a bad idea.

Foreclosure Avoiders Google Ranking Wars and I Need More Junk

For my legion of fan,

Please do a search for foreclosure avoiders via Google and post what you get in your results, i'm curious to see if indeed everyone gets the same rankings.

foreclosure avoiders (no quotes), get's me this ranking:

1. IAFF
2. What Casey Means To Say (WHERE DID THIS DARK HORSE COME FROM?? USA! USA!)
3. Foreclosure Avoiders Ruined My Life
4. Foreclosure Avoiders Changed My Life
5. Foreclosure Avoiders (Chat Hub)

Also, if you know of junky widgets, gadgets and junk I can put into this page, please let me know in comments as well. I find I too am distracted by shiny things.

Aspiring Web Journalist Lands Real Estate Chat Capabilities of the Year

May 1, 2007 -- Nigel Swaby, a licensed mortgage broker and industry writer, is pleased to announce today that in addition to his wildly successful industry and fan boy blogs that he has increased his chat capabilities 300%.

"I am pleased to make myself more available to my thousands of loyal fans online," said Swaby.

Fans of "The Swab," as he is affectionalty known, can now "para" (Swabbites call chatting para, after paraphrasing for which Swaby is universally known) with him on 3 blogs throughout the net. The original Cliff Notes blog, Foreclosure Avoiders Ruined My Life and Foreclosure Avoiders Changed My Life.

"This gives me a greater footprint in the free blog site arena, much more than a humble pin salesman could imagine."

Rumors of commercial deal with Axe Body Spray are still unconfirmed.

Casey's Short Bus

Casey, any chance to get Trampolina... errr, I mean G to snap some pics in a Century 21 jacket?

Foreclosure Avoiders Ranking War... It's Go Time

Nigel "Pinz" Swaby takes the lead in the Google Foreclosure Avoiders Wars. It's go time, I have no idea how to do SEO, but I will take on the bums at Foreclosure Avoiders, the slugs at Foreclosure Avoiders Changed My Life and EMERGE VICTORIOUS!

Coming soon, written by a crack team of link whores, anonymous members of the clan Swaby, Casey Serin's hair stylist, someone who only goes by Trampolina and the world-reknowned expert on all things not related to facing foreclosure, foreclosure avoidance, foreclosure avoiders and foreclosure reisistance, Nigel's Guest Blogger WILL TAKE ON THIS CHALLENGE!

Much like George Bush, I will declare WAR ON the Swabtard and Flailing Forward WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PLAN OF ACTION.

If you are indeed facing foreclosure and have stumbled upon this blog and are really looking for foreclosure avoiders to help you out, do yourself a favor in an already challenging environment. Don't call a "Real Estate Investor" who seems to only invest in time on the web manipulating search engine rankings without having any substantial knowledge.

You can take the pin off the man....

But low-rent retail sales are hard to escape. Eh, mon?




Bejiing 2008 Olympics here we come! USA! USA! USA!

I'm Utterly Disgusted.

Look at those cocky S-O-Bs over at FACML... I have sent repeated faxes to their offices regarding my $39 and i'm still looking for that "missing minute" i was promised when I eagerly signed up.

I am in dire straits here looking for a patented Foreclosure Avoidance System, give them my money in good faith, what I do get in return?

THOSE BASTARDS send me a marketing kit for their latest pyramid scheme asking me to join in for the small investment of $2500 (which they say I should just get from a corporation broker who can secure me a 5k line of credit for $2900 worth of education).

I've clipped some things from the brochure to show you what a scam their new new "Hair Growth to Avoid Foreclosure and Gain Wealth With No Money Down" is really all about.

They say it's a win-win situation for anyone who is looking to rebound from possible Non-Foreclosure Avoidance. They are even stupid enough to include their secret incredients, which are listed below:

---

If anyone cares....

I'll be continuing my rants over here.

Director's Commentary

This is mostly for me, because some of these even made me smile....from the Open Registration experiment...

Character: Thirty-Nine-Dollars
TND was my first thought when I wanted to hit the open-comments. His persona wasn't really well thought out, just an attempt to be the type of guy who just would point out and repeat Casey's fraudulent past. I did start using the Google Translation Tool which made it kind of funny, especially if you translate them for real and to see how far off it was. TND also went back and hit older posts with the same messages (why comments were disappearing on previous posts).

358. thirty-nine-dollarsApril 21st, 2007 at 7:03 am
Casey,
You are an admitted scam artist, someone who is of the mind that if you find the right scam you’ll be able to get-rich-quick without having to work. You have tried many scams, pyramid schemes and multi-level marketing with no success.
What value do you give for $39? none. The sooner you realize that you are a failure, the better off you will be. At least you have to give Nigel credit for getting into the housing bubble scam early enough. Within 3 years, he’ll be out of the business onto his next “career”, but at least he got some money.

362. thirty-nine-dollarsApril 21st, 2007 at 7:29 am
Casey, eres artista admitido del scam, alguien que está de la mente que si encuentras el scam derecho tú podrá a conseguir-rico-rápido sin tener que trabajar. Has intentado muchos scams, esquemas de la pirámide y comercialización de niveles múltiples sin éxito. ¿Qué valor das para $39? ningunos. Cuanto más pronto realizas que eres una falta, el mejor de ti serás. Por lo menos tienes que dar el crédito de Nigel para conseguir en el scam de la burbuja de la cubierta temprano bastante. En el plazo de 3 años, él estará fuera del negocio sobre su “carrera siguiente”, pero por lo menos él consiguió un poco de dinero.

363. thirty-nine-dollarsApril 21st, 2007 at 7:31 am
C,
The angst-riddled sweater look went out when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Take a look at Britney for more topical pained expressions.
Please do us all a favor and admit you are just a guy looking to get-rich-quick without having to work. You’ve tried scams for the past 10 years or so without success. Ever get the feeling you’re just not good at the game of musical chairs?
I will contribute to your tip jar if G would consider a nice picture in a tank top or something. Let us know.

By the third comment I started getting more creative, and G started to come to mind. This led to the creation of PimpMyGalina.

Character: PimpMyGalina
PMG is close to my heart, maybe because he just is wanting to see some boobies. This one probably annoyed Casey pretty good.

371. PimpMyGalinaApril 21st, 2007 at 8:01 am
Casey,
I LOVE the idea of a Galina Cam site. Here’s my business plan, you can borrow it if you want.
Set up a site with your programming skillz.
Put up a gallery of saucy outfits G can wear for her audience.
Charge $10 for $10 of her bouncing on a trampoline.
TELL me that wouldn’t make money.
And it’s not like all your other scams and fraud, it’s a legit way to make money, please consider it.

373. PimpMyGalinaApril 21st, 2007 at 8:06 am
How about we brainstorm some ideas for urls to get your new business started.
bouncinggalina.comcaseyspride.comhowtomakemoneyinrealestatepimpingyourwife.comhaveihitrockbottomyet.comatleastitisntascam.com
G would look hot in nothing more than one of those yellow Century 21 jackets.

376. thirty-nine-dollarsApril 21st, 2007 at 8:21 am
How about G take on a sexy character, this way Casey can monetize the site for the general public and give a little tip for his fans.
http://www.durteepenni.com/
G can transform herself into “Durtee Penni” like Casey transformed himself from a wanna-be scam/pyramid junky to a wanna-be real estate mogul who ended up being the last one standing in this game of musical chairs.

Well, since Casey brought Galina back into the blog she most definitely HAD to reply in character.

Character: DurteePenni

382. Durtee Penni aka GApril 21st, 2007 at 8:56 am
Hello all! G here. Casey left early this morning to make the 1 hour plus drive to go stare at the pool today. I will give you updates as he calls me.
I called Casey to ask what he thought about making me the dancing monkey this week, he loves it. His vision of entrepreneurship and comeback stories is that you have to completely hit rock bottom to bounce back. He was close when he pimped himself out for a couple hundred bucks, now it’s my turn!
So we’ll do another beg-a-thon tonight and you our loyal audience will be able to pick the outfits i wear on the trampoline. Casey’s suggestions thus far:
1. A full monkey suit2. A bald cap and knock-off euro-trash glasses (i’ll be in my Nigel gear as an homage to our vacationing hero)3. Old fashioned prisioner outfit. Hey! Those black and white vertical stripes are very slimming!4. I’ll only wear a Century 21 yellow jacket.
You get to vote! we’ll start tonight at 9pm PST!!!!

Rob at EN coincedentally called G out with what her role is... she had to reply:

392. Durtee Penni aka GApril 21st, 2007 at 9:44 am
Dear Rob Dawg,
Why do you think I am hiding something? It’s taken me almost 7 years to get through my first year of community colledge.
Rob, if you want to “uncover me” bring your $10 to the Galina Dancing Monkey Show tonight.
re: http://exurbannation.blogspot.com/2007/04/hide-nothing.html

406. Durtee Penni aka GApril 21st, 2007 at 10:22 am
Update from my dear Casey on the road:
He just called, he’s about 1/2 to the house to clean the pool. He has wisely decided to pull over for a quick entrepreneurial nap.
Before you make fun of him for napping after an hour please know that in order to strike just the right pose for this post Casey super-glued his palm to his forehead.
I defy any of you haterz to try driving with your hand glued to your head!
P.S. I’m shaving for tonight.

I thought the hand krazy glued to Casey's head was funny and this post led to the post that introduced a new form of female grooming into the vernacular. "The Nigel"

430. Durtee Penni aka GApril 21st, 2007 at 11:12 am
To silence those dirty dawg haterz at EN, tonight’s Dancing Monkey Beg-A-Thon will be a 2-girl show with me and Yulia.
Remember $10 for $10 minutes each. I am currently helping Yulia with her shaving, we’re giving her a “nigel.”

Finally, as an homage to the fine, hilarious users at EN, I had to bring Nigel into the fold. Since Nigel was on a short-lived Blogcation, someone had to fill his role. Flailing forward got into the mix and it was pretty fun and funny I think.

Character: Nigel's Guest Blogger

He just seemed like someone who couldn't figure out the Caps Lock Key.

379. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 8:36 am
HI ALL,
NIGEL IS TAKING A WELL-DESERVED BREAK FROM LINK-WHORING. OOOOPS, I MEAN BLOGGING.

ACTUALLY HE IS QUIETLY BUILDING UP HIS STOCKPILE OF 2008 OLYMPIC PINS TO CORNER THE MARKET BEFORE IT GETS HOT.

I WILL BE HANDLING ALL QUESTIONS COMMENTS AND LINKING IN HIS ABSENCE. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

CASEY, NIGEL HAS A CRUSH ON G, HE NORMALLY DOESNT LIKE EUROPEAN WOMEN BUT THE FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES SEEM TO HAVE ADDED A WELL NEEDED BIT OF JUNK IN THE TRUNK. HE QUIETLY SUPPORTS THE IDEA OF A DANCING MONKEY GALINA AND WOULD GLADLY DO SOME LINK WHORING IF THE IDEA TAKES OFF.

381. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 8:45 am
JIMMY JACK,
THAT GOES AGAINST THE AWARD-WINNING BLOGGER AND MORTGAGE BROKER’S CODE OF ETHICS.

385. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 9:10 am
HI FLAIL,THANKS FOR THE KIND WORDS. I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT TAKING THE REINS FROM NIGEL, BUT HE GAVE ME HIS AWARD-WINNING GUIDE TO AWARD-WINNING BLOGGING. IT’S REALLY MORE OF A PAMPHLET, BUT HERE’S THE AWARD-WINNING FORMULA.
1. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A CAREER IN REAL-ESTATE BY SELLING TRINKETS AND SUCH.

CHECK, I BOUGHT SOME LAKE PLACID OLYMPIC STUFFED MASCOTS ON EBAY FOR RESALE.

2. READ BULLISH ARTICLES ABOUT REAL ESTATE PUT OUT FROM THE NAR, HOME BUILDERS, ETC.

3. TAKE THOSE ARTICLES AND PARAPHRASE, PARAPHRASE, PARAPHRASE!

4. TREAT NEGATIVE COMMENTS WITH COMPLETE DISDAIN, THIS CONFUSES MY TARGET CUSTOMERS WHO ARE USUALLY STUPID MORMONS.

YOU TOO CAN BE AN AWARD-WINNING BLOGGER IF YOU FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE STEPS.

PLEASE CHECK BACK HERE SHORTLY, NIGEL IS ABOUT TO RELEASE BIG NEWS TODAY IN THE FORM OF A PRESS RELEASE BUT HAS AUTHORIZED ME TO “LEAK” IT HERE FIRST.

This got us into the Foreclosures Avoiders site that the folks of EN had pointed out earlier.

398. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 9:55 am
**** ANNOUNCEMENT ****
NIGEL IS ABOUT TO PAY TO RELEASE THIS ON PRNEWSWIRE, BUT AS LOYAL FANS HE WANTS ME TO POST IT HERE FIRST.
FROM THE AWARD-WINNING CREATOR OF THESE INSPIRATIONAL AWARD-WINNING BLOGS:

Easy Mortgages
New Homes in Utah
Homes for Sale in Utah
Casey Serin - An Alternate Take
Nigel Swaby
Stuff for Sale in Salt Lake
Salt Lake Real Estate Blog

NIGEL IS HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THE NEXT-GENERATION OF AWARD-WINNING BLOGS. NIGEL SWABY IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE CREATION OF A NEW BREED OF MONETIZED WEB BLOG TO HELP ASSIST THOSE WHO ARE ABOUT TO BE FACING FORECLOSURE.

IN A SINGLE STROKE OF GENIUS, NIGEL HAS ONCE AGAIN TAPPED THE INFINITE SOURCE OF MARKETING GENIUS AND HAS COME UP WITH A PRODUCT THAT WILL ULTIMATELY COMPETE WITH OTHER NATIONAL BRANDS LIKE TRUMP, VIVID VIDEO AND AXE BODY SPRAY.

NIGEL SWABY PRESENTS:http://foreclosureavoiders.blogspot.com/
CAN THE GUY COME UP WITH A CATCHY BRAND AT WILL? I’M IN AWE.
NIGEL WILL BE EFFORTING TO ASSIST POTENTIAL FORECLOSEES WITH HIS AWARD-WINNING BRAND OF CONDESCENSION.

FOR A MERE $29.95 (SOME OTHER BLOGGERS ARE CHARGING $30 OR $40 FOR SUCH SYSTEMS) YOU WILL GET THE FOLLOWING:

- A 21 MINUTE PHONE CONSULTATION WITH AWARD WINNING BLOGGER NIGEL SWABY

- UNLIMITED EMAIL CONVERSATIONS FOR 8 DAYS (THAT’S A BAKER’S WEEK)

- PINS FROM THE 1980 WINTER OLYMPICS THAT WERE HELD IN LAKE PLACID, NY (THAT’S MY CONTRIBUTION)

WHY PAY MORE FOR -OTHER- FORECLOSURE ASSISTANCE SITES WHEN YOU CAN GET MORE, MORE MORE FOR LESS, LESS, LESS.

PLEASE CALL NIGEL ANYTIME @ 801-560-0967.

FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, IF YOU VISIT THE SITE YOU WILL GET A **FREE** SAMPLE OF THE TYPE OF VALUABLE ADVICE NIGEL WILL BE PROVIDING. DON’T DELAY, VISIT TODAY:
http://foreclosureavoiders.blogspot.com/

411. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 10:42 am
THE REAL NIGEL,HEY BRO, I’M HOLDING DOWN THE FORT AS BEST I CAN. I HOPE I AM LIVING UP TO YOUR AWARD-WINNING STANDARDS.
FLAIL,THANK YOU FOR THE GREAT TESTIMONIAL. I’M GLAD YOU FOUND NIGEL’S ADVISE HELPFUL.

YOU WILL NOW BE ADDED TO THE COFASS (THE CARNIVAL OF FORECLOSURE ASSISTANCE SCAM SITES). YOU CAN NOW PUT THE COFASS-SEAL-OF-APPROVAL ON ANY POST YOU DESIRE MOVING FORWARD. PLEASE REMEMBER, BY ACCEPTING THIS HONOUR YOU MUST HYPERLINK AT LEAST THREE TIMES TO ONE OF NIGEL’S AWARD-WINNING PRODUCTS.

FLAIL IS JUST ONE OF THOUSANDS WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN HELPED BY A TRUE REAL-ESTATE PROFESSIONAL. A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO ALL YOU WHO ARE LOOKING FOR HELP WITH YOUR FORECLOSURE. LOOK AT SOME OF THE GREAT REAL ESTATE MOGULS OF OUR TIME. DONALD TRUMP AND MORT ZUCKERMAN. WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON?

YEARS OF EXPERIENCE IN REAL ESTATE? COUNTLESS DRAMATIC SWINGS AND BRUSHES WITH BANKRUPTCY? NO!!! NO I SAY!!!!!

THEY ARE ALL HAIR-CHALLENGED. LET’S BE HONEST, WHILE CASEY IS CLEARLY AN ENTREPRENEUR OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER (I APPLAUD YOU MAKING YOUR CUTE WIFE AVAILABLE TO US TONIGHT) HE HAS A FINE HEAD OF HAIR.

IF TRUMP WERE TO HIGHLIGHT HIS HAIR IT WOULD CRUMBLE AND BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND.

DON’T TRUST YOUR LAST $50 TO A FRAUDULENT MOPPY HEADED WANNA-BE REAL ESTATE INVESTOR.

TRUST YOUR MONEY WITH ONE OF THE TRUE FOLICLELY CHALLENGED TRUE REAL-ESTATE MOGULS.

GO WITH NIGEL AND THE POWER TEAM OVER AT FORECLOSURE AVOIDERS.

Flail quickly threw up a site that was hilarious. It's a rare thing in comedy to have a partner who you've never met, talked to, etc and to get some great timing going on.

458. Nigels Guest BloggerApril 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm
DEAR CASEY, I AM ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW WITH NIGEL. HE’S LAUGHING AT YOUR FORECLOSURE ASSISTANCE SITE.

HIS TEAM OF FORECLOSURE AVOIDERZ HAVE BEEN PUBLIC FOR JUST –ONE– DAY SO FAR AND LOOK WHAT WE’VE ACCOMPLISHED.

1. GIVEN NIGEL A BONER AT AN UNPUBLICIZED BLOG GETTING INBOUND TRAFFIC. HE WAS FORCED TO CUT HIS BLOGCATION SHORT DUE TO A SPIKE OF DOZENS TO ONE OF HIS MANY SUCCESSFUL INTERNET VENTURES.

2. INCREASED ADVICE ON SAID SITE 100% IN A MATTER OF HOURS. THAT’S RIGHT 100% INCREASE IN FORECLOSURE AVOIDANCE ADVICE ON THIS SOON TO BE SUCCESSFUL FORECLOSURE AVOIDANCE SITE.

3. OUR FIRST CLIENT HAS BEEN SO HAPPY WITH OUR FORCLOSURE AVOIDERS THAT NOT ONLY WAS HE MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE A TESTIMONIAL THAT WILL SOON BE IN OUR MARKETING MATERIALS (CAFEPRESS.COM T-SHIRTS) HE ALSO SPUN OFF A LOVERZ SITE.
CASEY’S ADVICE GETS HATERZ SITES LIKE EXURBANNATION.COM … THE SUPERHERO-LIKE AXE BODY SPRAY WEARING FORECLOSURE AVOIDERS GETS LOVERZ SITES LIKE:

http://foreclosureavoiderssavedme.blogspot.com/

I really don't care much about Nigel except his love affair with web traffic is funny to me. These characters hopefully entertained some, at least I know my legacy is complete by introducing a couple new players into the mix and outing Nigel as an Axe Body Spray consumer.

Casey

I don't hate Casey, I just think he's a guy who believes in his heart it's dumb to work 9-5 and truly believes in his heart that there's a scheme out there to let him take advantage of others who are dumber than him.

The problem is, there don't seem to be many Greater Fools out there that are ignorant enough to buy what he is selling. Let me correct myself, Casey isn't dumb, I think he's pretty intelligent.

Instead of using the smarts he has to create some real value he's focusing he's falling back on his old scamming ways. This is guy who bought the Get Rich With No Money Down seminars. Unlucky for him that his lazy ways got him into the bubble right as it was getting ready to pop.

I think he saw during the bubble is a chance to walk away with 500k-1mil by bulk buying and flipping. Whoops.

So what happened, he reverted to his scamming ways of his past. He sent out a reprehensible email to his family & friends promising 24% returns, etc. etc. No fish nibbled at that one and so he's crafted a persona online in the hopes of fame that will ultimately give him the big payoff in the form of a book, movie or who knows what.

We were all supposed to play along, for months people gave fantastic advice asked great questions and got no signs of change in return. This guy is not sorry or contrite for what he's done, he's just trying to string all the drama along for a period of time that will ultimately give him his quick and easy payoff.

Many of the "Haterz" are playing right into this by continuing to grill him day and night. If you've noticed the past couple months he just has stopped all pretense of honesty and does nothing but "Bait the Hate" in his posts.

For that reason I think it's best for everyone to just hammer home what he's done in the past, the fact that he's never really been honest for an extended period of time.

The only way for this guy to feel pain is to continue to remind everyone of what he's done and ruin the one potentially monetizable thing he has, web traffic.

I think there very well could be legal proceedings against him, investigations, etc. The public for the most part loves to forgive people who make mistakes, but there has to be some redemption. Casey has never gotten close to that. I think there's little more to be gained with the people who are just repeating the same comments "Get a job, what about the Utah payment, etc. etc." Casey can't be honest because it will ruin his attempt at being a victim in all of this. I think he deserves to be embarrassed because deep down he's still a fake.

Any time the site is opened up again, you might just see some old faces there, Durtee Penni, Nigel's Guest Blogger et al.

If you're wondering what got deleted....

Make sure to read through the 477 comments that Casey deemed disrespectful here.

http://blogaboutablogaboutablogabout.blogspot.com/2007/04/477-iaff-comments-on-somethings-gotta.html

Thanks to whoever captured these.

Something's Gotta Give

Debt. Finances. Blog. Foreclosure. Site. Pins. Axe Body Spray. Foreclosure Avoiders. Details. Global Warming. Pink.

The pressure of faking introspection is really getting to me. I wish I never got involved with Da Foreclosure Avoiders Team.

I Thought I Was Saved.

I admit it, I got in way over my head. I purchased a couple homes with 100% financing today with no money down.

Turns out, hours later after making these purchases I realize I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

The banks have already started the foreclosure process on me. I thought about an hour ago I was doomed. My back was against the wall and having just $30 to my name I was pretty sure i was going to have to go into bankruptcy.

Then SALVATION came to me in the form of a leather wearing, deligthtful smelling person from Utah.

I called the number listed on his site and he happily took my my last $30 and promised me not only would I avoid foreclosure, but I would also be able to shake, miss and avert foreclosure as well.

After only 20 minutes (they promised 21!) they had only recommended getting into the "Jewelry" business. This later turned out to be nothing more than hocking used olympic pins at the mall.

I was devastated. My last $30 is gone, I have nowhere else to turn and within the past few hours have acquired over a million dollars in new debt.